Off With My Head

Soft brown curls hug my rosy cheeks
The snow will fall soon,
If I let it
I sit on a picket fence,
Tapping my heel to the beat in my head
Talking to the stars
As if they're my only friends
Wishing that wishing helped anything
I freeze momentarily,
And wish some more
I feel hope tug on my skirt
Looking up at me with big puppy eyes
I shake it off, quickly and callously
"Don't you know I've got better things to do?"
Some times the sky paints me pictures,
But never tells me the meaning
I often feel as if my mind is too full
No room remains for thoughts
But still I think
Soon my head will fall off
And i'll watch it sink into the mud
Buried in the ground,
Waiting to be exhumed by a thoughtless stranger
A lucky, thoughtless stranger

But I am not

I wish I were fearless
I wish I could tell you all I think
But I am not
But I cannot
I wish you could read into my stares
I wish you could know every look is because I care
But you cannot
But you cannot
Most of all, I wish I did not know you
So I did not spend every night thinking of you
But I do
But I do
I have a weak heart,
It has endured much in its time
But somehow it beats hard for you
I do
It has
It does
Though my weary eyes fall asleep at night
I still dream while I am awake
I still hope while I am sleeping
They do
I do
I do

Send the Wind

I want to send the wind to dry your tears
I want to command it to do so,
And skip away without leaving a mark
I am so sorry for your pain
I know you cannot seem to find the answer
The reason the sun shines the way it does
The reason you feel numb
The reason each night you're in a different bed
Two birds that sit on the line are chiming at you
Telling you which way to go
But you musn't listen
You must go the way you've prepared
I am still searching for things I have never seen
Turning glass knobs as they shatter in my hands
I will help you, my friend
Just give me your eyes and I will help you

Note to Self

Dear Bekah,

Sometimes I wanna slap you. Sometimes I wanna punch you so hard in the gut, your stupidity is forced to come spitting up. Sometimes I wanna yank you by the collar, shove you against the wall, and bash your head into the bricks. You continue to do it, I just don't understand. They promise they'll be loyal, they promise they'll treat you right. They say "I know what you've been through, you don't deserve it." But the way they treat you is obviously how you deserve. Can't you understand they'll always let you down? Can't you understand that this is your life until you move out of this town? They're too egotistical for your taste. You've never been one to love vanity, but yet, you love them. Can  you stop loving people for a second? Can you stop thinking so much lesser of yourself? It will always go unappreciated, and they will always assume the worst in you. The funniest thing is, you keep writing these things to yourself. Almost as if you will realize what they are doing and you'll remove yourself from this life. But you won't. You will keep living in the same way, and you will always let them treat you like this. Until you meet someone who gives you a ring and dedicates their life to you; you will never know what faithful is. You just keep hoping that these dumb humans will realize, but they won't. They just don't get how hard you're trying.  Maybe one day when you're gone; they'll realize how great you are. Maybe when you tell them, they'll understand. But for now; it will always be your fault. Just give it up.

Bekah

Limits

Do I look okay?
If so, the job I sought is done
Nothing bewilders my facade like the shining of the sun
I work so hard to keep it clean
Combing my air, tying my shoes, collecting any loose seams.
All so you will not know
It is all for you
My glossy blue eyes are good at lying
They lie, but I do not
That was not the job I sought
It is simply to be seen,
But not to be known
It is to be mistaken for the face I have shown
Not to debilitate your perceptions,
But to protect my collection of safety
My safety was stripped many years ago
When a man I knew had one too many pills to swallow
I wish it didn't have to become this way
But if it had not, I would not have much to say
Sincerity is key,
And that I am
I am sincerely disappointed in the choices of that man
Believing that substance is greater than passion
But just as substance is limited, so it limits you
Handling your body as a jungle gym,
Wearing and tearing until it loses its purpose
I will not let the weakness of that man
Form a weakness in me
But until I am a victor,
You will search for truth behind my  blue eyes so glossy