I Scream To Be

 I would run as fast as I could, but I would only grow weary and stop for a rest on the curb. From there the sky would laugh rain at me. Staring at my shoes and examining the laces in their twisted state, mad that the dirt beneath me doesn't carve my name in the ground. I was here- remember me.
I then would greet the same colors in the pavement. But why is this always my job? Child after child tugs on my trailing skirt.
"Yes! I see you. But I am sorry, I have nothing else to give you. You see, I hurt myself today- and there is no one else to blame but me. I would never hurt you, but I would make you watch me hurt. Why? Because no one sees me hurt. And those who do, dig their eyes out and get new ones. My steering wheel? It can be jerked in a matter of seconds. My life, as you know it, could be gone. But if I were to go- it would be in a noticeable way. I have to be remembered. If I am going to suffer my life entirely, my departure must be remembered. That way, if they don't remember me while I'm here, they'll remember me while I'm gone.
But I have an even larger issue: people. They go, so quickly they go and so constantly they go. And as soon as I love them, they are gone. And then I am left with those who claim to love me, but when I am hurt, love nothing but their own comfort. And when that happens, the others come. In my sleep, they come. And they giggle between the walls because I cannot see them.
Am I not who I think I am? Because I thought I understood him. And her, and the other guy. But they keep making the same wrong decision. I see potential that they don't see. They're blinded by what they think they love...and they don't know love. They know deception, loves best friend. And I know disappointment, loves mistress. Maybe when I stop hoping, they will stop disappointing."
So I would run as fast as I could, hoping that I stop for a rest on the curb. Because unless you snatched a hatchet from my uncle's rusty tool pile, the curb won't break. And I can sit on the curb as long as I like, because it likes to listen to me. And I'll rinse my hair in the colors of the pavement. And when I question my job, I'll remember what I spoke to the child. My job is to listen to others always. And to accept that no one really wants to hear what my issues are. Someone has to bare the sadness and all these cowards around me are too weak to. Their backs would snap, but mine is trained. And don't feel sorry for me, I'm better off than you; and my back is stronger.
Remind me not to stay alone with my mind again, stories like this come up.

Lead Foot

I have a lead foot
It drops on the pedal with no restraint
My eyes become foggy
My porous skin steams
Cops? They'll all buy a good sob story
I just might sob
I swear I took that turn on two wheels
Maybe it was three
Clammy hands grip the wheel like claws with prey
Here comes the last stretch
I take a deep breath
Preparing for the worst
I might throw up
Please don't let the ambulance sit at the bottom of my drive way
Like a dog at the foot of the bed
I wonder which relative it was
I hope one I wasn't very close to
Probably was
I'm going to throw up
But look at it
The house is dark, just like my mind
No blue or red lights dancing on the sides
It sleeps
I wish I could
But I let it happen again

Sing

I don't know how to express it
Or maybe I do
I want to press myself into you
Make you feel my heart
Speak cold breath into your mouth
Let you swallow it
Feel my thoughts, my hopes
I can't express them through my eyes
You're so different
So perfect
I am just a fool
A fool with a facade that is not true
A fool that does things for me
But deep down, I do them for you
I was never a hopeless romantic
But lately I have so many tears
They are your slaves
On your command they fall
And at night I dream of your eyes
Singing to me a song I couldn't remember
Sing to me once more
Dear boy

Not Buried

Crying myself to sleep because it's the only way I know how
Shutting my eyes so the images don't mock me
Leaving the curtains open so i can watch the moon sit in the sky
I know it will be there,
Just like every other night
Shining to me it's loyalty
The only kind i'll ever know
Your words poison my blood
Making me suffer as it slowly boils
Pumping toxins into my flesh
Consuming me entirely
As the wind brushes over my stinging eyes
I remember the feeling of loss,
It was a voice calling me home
Back to the room where it all began
Following me are breaths of rain
And this same gust of wind still brings me chills
The chills crawl to my bones
And make still
Susceptible  to the hurricane that brews in me
I spit out my soul,
It's all over your new shirt
I'm embarrassed but happy,
It's proof that it still exists
Proof that it's not buried
But in the end
I should have known
Don't pluck a rose before it's grown