Self Indulgence

Crazy
Lunatic
Mentally impaired
Call it what you will-
But I will call it
Healthy
I don't really know if it's healthy or not
But I do it quite frequently

Have you ever laid,
Just to simply be
With no purpose
No intentions
Just to ponder on who you are
"To ponder on life"
If you haven't,
You should
It's quite scary,
But necessary
I often times shove some head phones in my gullible ears
And let the music tangle and strangle
My every nerve
To the point that I no longer have control over my body
The thoughts that dance through my mind are concerning
But I would rather know them
Than be unaware of what sits emptily in the left side of my head
And once it starts going,
I can't make it stop
It grows like cancer
Fast and furious 
I become scared of myself
And what my mind can do
Suddenly,
As the beats pump against my ear drum
The person I keep the largest distance from
Is me
Stop
Stop Stop
Stop
Silence
My face is hot
My eyes are glossed
And all I want
Is someone to fix these feelings inside
Someone to make it all make sense
But there is no one
So I lay on